Fall is upon us

Fall has to be my favorite time of year. The leaves changing colors and falling to the ground to be recycled by mother nature. Brisk winds bringing in cooler air. It just feels like a refreshing change that initiates a level of creativity in me that lasts through the winter. Coffee smells better, and is more refreshing, hot chocolate and pumpkin spice lattes are perfect drinks to bring in cooler evenings. And everything just seems busier, as people and animals alike prepare for winter.

for me in also brings a time of reflection. A time where I look at my life and the past year and reflect on what I have or havent accomplished. Unfortunately for me this year brings a sense of melancholy. As i have done so little this year. I havent held a steady job since my shoulder injury as a firefighter. I live with pain every day which leaves me incapable of doing the types of jobs that I am normally good at. Which leaves me questioning what I can do. I have always been a big physical man, who excelled at manual labor, and lived for being outdoors climbing rocks, or careening crazily on some time of human powered apparatus.

Now I am lost. I dont know what to do, my stupid pride preventing me from sucking it up and working some mundane job that I feel is beneath me. Even though just working at a gas station would help our family immensely. I feel lost as I dont know what to do in place of crazy extreme sports that kept me active and fit.
I feel lost, and I dont know how to take the first step to get back to my days of confidence.

I have been reading books by successful people, like Richard Branson, and following motivational speakers and people on twitter, yet I still feel stuck. Which is even worse because I know what needs to be done. I know the steps that need to be taken, yet i cant seem to get my feet to move. I shuffle towards the first step only to stop. Something has got to give, something in my head needs to snap out of it, or I will be nothing more than a person remembered for wasted potential. A person that got knocked done and was to scared to get back up. And that isnt me, I have always been a fighter. I fought to get in the military, I fought to become a firefighter. I fought to back it to the age I am today. Yet I have let a shoulder injury knock me down, and keep me down.

All around me the leaves are falling. As they fall I realize it is time for me to get back up, brush my knees off, and start taking steps forward. They may be small steps at first but at least they would be steps. I owe it to my kids, my wife, and most importantly to me.